Sunday, July 26, 2015


Watch for my award-winning fashion blog coming soon to a feed near you.

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Last-minute loser

Oh damn, it's the last day of Hair Fair 2015.

Predictably, I'm scrambling around at the last minute trying to check it all out, but the sims are full and I crash every time I take a step, cam around or try to snap a photo.

Good times.

See that "Em's Starbucks Fund" button over there on the right? Yeah, feel free to drop $900 in there if you happen to be filthy rich. It will promptly go towards a new laptop that was made during the past decade. Some people fantasize about sex. I dream of a decent graphics card.

Maybe I'll blog something every time I crash. Or maybe I'll eventually give up and take a nap. Meanwhile, forget about hair. I want this BIG DAMN RAWKIN' STATUE in the L&N Signature Hair Designs booth:

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I miss those old days when women wore bras that made their boobs look like bullets. "My chest is also a deadly weapon." Somebody work on bringing back that look IRL.

And as usual, all the people who're wearing mesh outfits (meaning, everybody) look like their clothes are sticking sideways out of their stomachs on my viewer. It's surreal. Like that movie "Alien," except with fashion. ("A dress is exploding from my abdomen and soon it will EAT THE WORLD, bitches.")

Don't worry, it's not you. It's my vintage Mac.

The whole effed-up scene does make me feel somewhat grateful for the surprisingly high number of women who are running around in thongs with HUGE oily (glossy? shiny? radiant?) butts. You keep it all about that bass, ladies! At least those boo-tays are in the right places.

OK, I'm gonna try to get back in. Wish me luck. Maybe we'll bump into each other.

Wednesday, July 8, 2015


Holy cow, it's been almost a year!


Let's see if I can even remember how to write a blog post.

We'll start with an ode to Callie Cline. (I'm not being an ass; I'm being serious.)

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I always have to log in for the SLB celebrations. HAVE TO. I love them passionately. Unfortunately I missed the whole damn thing this year but managed to scoot in on July 4, the last day the sims were open for people to check them out. I logged in at 8 p.m. SLT. I thought maybe they would cut the slackers some slack and hopefully let us stay there until the wee hours of the next morning, but NO. At exactly midnight I got unceremoniously booted out of the sims and landed on my ass on a Visitor's Island somewhere, which always scares the hell out of me. People in dark, unrezzed clusters, playing all their gestures at one time and usually talking about sex and porn. *shudder* And of course, you always land on about 50 other people when that happens, so on top of everything else (no pun intended), it feels like a seedy orgy.


I did managed to see a few things first. Like the aforementioned Callie Cline exhibit. I love Callie's annual exhibits because – speaking as a RL person in the PR industry – she gets a BIG DAMN GOLD STAR for building a brand and marketing the hell out of it. This year she built a Tower of Flower Power. (I named it that. It seemed appropriate.) It was fab. The music mashup in there though, WOOOOO! Callie, I love you but it felt like a mushroom trip after a few minutes. Maybe that was the goal.

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Now let's move on to my bad clothes, bad shape, bad everything and the shame I feel when looking at the post before this one. I can't keep up with the SL trends. I try and try, but when you only log in about once a year, you're bound to make a fool out of yourself regardless. Not only that, I see that I've been kicked out of 19 blogger groups. Whoops. (What? TRUTH? NOOOOO! ... wait, is he gone? His blog is kind of outdated like mine, though not as much.)

Anyway, kidding. I don't blame those groups. Bad graphics + once-a-year blog posts = Blogger fail.

So it looks like it's just mesh-the-hell everything now, huh? So much so that my vintage MacBook Pro screams in agony whenever I log in. You can't really tell in that pic up there because I'm so small next to the Tower of Flower Power, but I'm wearing vintage League jeans with (gasp!) prim attachments. And weirdly, SL kept replacing them with "New [system] Pants," so most of the time I looked like a chick wearing white stretch pants in Wal-Mart.

Changes aside, I see many people are still going for that "grumpy face and five-inch thigh gap" look. Sigh.

So I fixed some things. I grabbed an old gift skin from Belleza (because I'm broke, FLAT broke; shocker) and sexied-up and standardized Emerald Wynn's shape a little. I passed on the thigh gap though. Curves are sexy, kids. No one wants to bang a bag of antlers.

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"Hey, baby."

Looks JUST LIKE ME in real life! (No it doesn't.)

I went over to the SOU by 1st Anniversary Event (runs through July 25) and picked up some relatively inexpensive mesh duds by COCO (suede fringe vest in Brown, 150L; wide-leg jeans in Dark, 190L; flower bustier is a free gift at that booth). Then I grabbed some Mykonos Beach platform sandals by Your Skin Your Shape for 70L at The Dressing Room Fusion. (Hat tip to the Seraphim SL blog for the heads up on all this stuff – I wouldn't know where the hell to go without that blog).

Then I checked in with The Bunny in our shared trailer. Because, you know, we need an annual pic with The Bunny, just to mark the passing years.

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"Hi. Uh, remember me?"

He is raggedy and so NOT mesh, but I will always love him passionately. If I could suck him into the Real World, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

OK, so meanwhile, all this time I kept getting these in-world messages: "Your SLink hands need to be updated!" "Your SLink feet need to be updated!" over and over until I finally yelled, "OKAAAAAAAAY! SHEEEEESH!"

The hands were no problem because I bought those myself. The feet were a little trickier because I got those as a generous gift from Whispers Magic. I sent SLink Resident a notecard asking her (him?) what to do. She (let's assume it's a she) told me to go leave my feet in a little sandbox by the store so she could update them. This disturbed me a little.


It was unsettling.

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So yeah, my feet are over there behind the store if you want to swing by and say hello. Fortunately, they're not alone. There were several other body parts lying around. In fact, there was a whole body just standing there, which was freaky as sh*t. And hands. Soooooo many hands.

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I like that one dark tattoo though!

That's really all I've got right now. Sorry this post is so short.

I'd like to spend more time inworld because I'm working from home as a freelance writer and it's a nice escape. Unfortunately, it's kind of like playing "Minute to Win It" whenever I log in. I have to hurry like hell to teleport, shop, chat, anything, because I crash every few seconds. I've tried playing around with Avatar Skinning and some other complicated preferences to take some weight off my ancient graphics card but nothing helps.

And for those of you wearing mesh (which is, like, all of you), on my viewer it looks like you have pants sticking out of your chest and hair sticking out of your butt and random arms and boobs jetting out all over the place. It looks like a house of horrors, actually. If anyone can suggest a decent viewer for an ancient (we're talking 2009) MacBook Pro, please let me know. I'm trying to save up to buy a more modern refurbished Mac.

Oh, and so yeah, if you're chatting with me and I suddenly vanish, I'm not being rude. It just means I've crashed and given up all hope for the night.

Love to anyone who's still reading this thing! ♥ I'm bracing myself for crickets. :) :)

Sunday, July 27, 2014

Mesh bird poop not included

I bought some Slink hands. It's weird having attractive SL hands. It makes me want to run around and point at everyone and everything. "Hey you! Yes you. Look at that over there. LOOK AT IT! Who me? You talking to me? Her? Whatever. Look over there!" That kind of thing.

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Skin: Erin in Aurora, Sunkissed by League. (AWESOME name for a skin! *wink*); Eyes: Arcane Eyes in Angel by Buzz at The Seasons Story; Shirt: Criss T-shirt by Kitja Cherie at The Seasons Story; Hair: Blown Away by Exile at Hair Fair 2014.

Check out this Blown Away hair by Exile. It's cool, but if I were a hair creator, I would skip the melodic and poetic hair names and use names like "BIG DAMN RAWWWWWWWKIN' HAIR!" instead.

And speaking of hair, there are only a few more hours left to visit Hair Fair 2014. For a list of all the participating creators and their individual Hair Fair SLURLS, click HERE.

I would sum up this year's theme as "Long hair, more long hair, even more long hair, long layers, some token dreamy braids and ...

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Skin: Celestial Femme Fairy by Al Vulo! from a previous The Dressing Room Fusion (with some random eyelash tattoo I found in my inventory); Eyes: Luminous Eyes in Pacific Blue by OTRHair: Sopha with Tweeters by Ohmai at Hair Fair 2014
"... birds ...

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Skin: Cannes by Essenz from a previous The Dressing Room Fusion (with eyelash tattoo); Eyes: Ancient Eyes in Fern by OTR; Hair: Sue with Nesting Tweeters by Ohmai at Hair Fair 2014

"... birds ...

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Skin: Erin in Aurora, Sunkissed by League (with eyelash tattoo); Eyes: Herbalist Eyes in Rosemarinus by A.S.S.; Hair: The Birdhouse by Bizarre Hair at Hair Fair 2014

"... and MORE BIRDS!"

My thanks to everyone who makes this annual fundraiser for Wigs for Kids possible. Also, thank you to the many creators who generously offer fun Hair Fair gift bags. My favorite freebie this year is Ohmai's Companion Tweeters, available in two sizes, both in wearable and rezzable versions.

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They even sing. :)

("I'm Nr. 1!")

Thursday, July 24, 2014

That. One. Damn. Thing.

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Only the people with crappy computers will understand the sheer agony of standing around for hours waiting for That. One. Damn. Thing. to rez.

I zoomed in and out on it, moused over it, clicked it like I was gonna buy it, slammed my AV up against it, spun around in a circle, cammed somewhere else for a while, danced a jig, backed up, moved forward, scooted left, scooted right, sat on the display for a while, jumped off, sat down in the grass and waited and waited. Nothing. Finally I crashed.

The mystery will probably haunt me until the end of my days.

Oh well.

(I'm Nr. 1!)

Kitja Cherie mesh T-shirts at The Seasons Story, 100L.

Monday, July 21, 2014

Just don't

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Chicks who walk into booths at Hair Fair and then stand there for hours blocking the door with their gigantic asses and booty-swinging, hair-flipping AOs.

(Yeah, it's a sentence fragment. Why waste words.)

At first I thought she wasn't wearing pants. Then I realized her shorts were being devoured by DAT ASS.

I didn't snap her from the front, but dang, she was SPECTACULAR in all her glory.

I will never understand this blangin' thug-life girlfriend look, but then again I'm a boring middle-aged woman trapped in the suburbs, so what the hell do I know? At least she went that extra mile (or more) to give her AV some character.

To her credit, she might have been wearing shoes. SL holds all kinds of wondrous possibilities that never get around to rezzing on my computer.

Go ahead and call me mean names, but damn, I love fug-watching. I don't mind admitting it. Hell, I'm the poster child for fug these days in my 2012 retro wardrobe, so just wave at my glass house when you walk by and let me keep throwing my little rocks once in a while. I miss the fug blogs, too. I feel like I've earned the right to make that statement since I've been featured in them myself a few times. Plus, in better days I would have been the first person to give you the fugly shirt off my own back or lindens or whatever you needed if you were suffering. You can laugh at fug and still be a good person. YES YOU CAN!

Speaking of alms for the poor, much love to Whispers Magic for her gift of Slink feet. (When you gonna blog again, Whispers??) I'm looking forward to trying them out and finally having sophisticated feet like the rest of you.

I'm gonna get back to trying to wade through Hair Fair now. Even on a weekday, I crash about every seven minutes. Some things never change.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Let's be models

This is a bad post for me to be writing, considering the fact that the last folder in my inventory right now is "2012 Clothes" (subdivided, of course) and I'm still running around in system jeans with prim leg attachments, which I'm sure is not that hip these days, but whatever.

Here we go.

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I'll explain this picture in a minute. (And oh hey, I standardized my shape to Medium mesh size and I feel like I look a little thuggish with no neck now. Wah.)

Anyway, so I was logging into SL the other day and I happened to see this "event" in the Events calendar.


"WE PAY $800/hour HIRING MODELS-no experience need-NEW RESIDENTS WELCOME- event to hire

Time: 07/13/14 12:00 pm
Duration: 2 hours
Location: DreSS To ImpreSS-mODELS~CatWALK-fAShIONS- LiVE mUSIC on Loon
Host: [Name omitted for privacy]
Category: Nightlife/Entertainment
Cover: FREE

~WE PAY $800/hour HIRING MODELS-no experience need-NEW RESIDENTS WELCOME- event to hire- look for blue box at store for instructions -gowns,casual clothes,low prim furniture,body paint,tattoes,bathing suit,costumes,carnaval mask,new avatars look,pretty flexy hair,pretty avatars, models house, fashion clothes,men clothes, men hair, women clothes,women shoes, stilletos, wedges, pijamas,party clothes,land orbit,land security system"


I'm not living an RL that affords me a steady flow of lindens anymore, so I saw this ad and thought, "Oh REALLLLLY??! 'New residents welcome,' huh? 'No experience need,' even? YEEHAW! Count me in!"

I thought it was a thing, you know? Like, you show up to this place, meet at the aforementioned mysterious blue box, get handed some "pretty flexy hair," "body paint" and "tattoes" and prance around somewhere for two hours at 800L an hour.

Wrong. Oh, so wrong.

I flew into DreSS To ImpreSS-mODELS~CatWALK-fAShIONS and it was a deserted wasteland — a vast, bright blue deserted wasteland. But LO AND BEHOLD! There was a giant display with a blue box over in one corner – right next to a badly textured catwalk – so I wandered over to it. I thought maybe it was "camp modeling," like you log into a spot and stand there posing for two hours until you get paid.

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(WHOA, NELLY! My, what big hair and pink lips you have!)

I clicked the box for "model instructions" and got this notecard:






- read careful to apply correctly or you will not be selected.

- DO NOT SEND NOTES ASKING QUESTIONS SEND IM - If you send IM asking questions that are clear in this note you will get disqualify for this position. So please read all instructions first before ask.


- pictures need to be taken by yourself- professional pictures or pictures taken by friends will be rejected.

-get some clothes you think will look good on you for the picture to apply.

STORE CLOTHES ONLY- if you can't buy clothes you can't apply-if you don't like my clothes enough to buy why should i hire you?- you have to like my clothes and buy them because you liked not just to apply for model. If you don t like my clothes to wear them. Don't get it. I'm not interesting to increase my sells with your purchase. This is not scam i need to increase my models team.

- Take your picture at any place of your preference. make your picture 512x512. full body picture showing the clothes.

- Don't send pictures inside notes. send picture texture only.

- Tittle your picture: ' MODEL SEARCH' and your full SL name-not screen names- (please full rights, modify,copy and transfer). -drop the picture to my profile [NAME OMITTED]

- (please ONLY ONE picture PER DRESS will be accepted. but, you can take and send as many pictures as you want with different clothes from the store. If you send more than one pic with same dress you get disqualify).

- you need to showed the full attire you're wearing (also try to set the light for your picture correct so the picture is not to dark. force midday is good way. you are welcome to edit the picture before you send it).

Note: If you send a picture without correct tittle is going to be rejected sorry.

Please be sure you have mark in your profile 'show on search'- otherwise we are not going to contact you.

-- If you do not get contact between one month. please reapply again with same picture."


Whenever I read "This is not scam," I think, "This is scam."

But whatever. I was curious to see what would happen if I sent one of my legendarily bad pics of myself in a 2008 dress, particularly since "ALL MODELS THAT APPLY CORRECT FOLLOWING THIS INSTRUCTIONS WILL BE HIRE, GUARANTEE."

I figured if I heard back and actually had to DO some type of modeling thing, it would make for an amusing blog post — and if I DIDN'T hear back, it'd at least make for a "Hey, new people, beware this scam" post. So either way, all five of us who still read this blog still win, right?

I wandered around the store looking at the massive collection of oh-so-retro fashions. Many of them reminded me of my old favorite *cough* Lemania Indigo Designs, circa 2008. (Is she still around?)

I considered this White Butterfly Gown, in honor of my now-gone-from-SL (I think) friend Random Calliope:

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That's not hair on my back. It's a lace-back tank top.

WOOOOO! That is SOME GOWN, kids!

And the price?


SERIOUSLY??!! I was expecting 99L, at most. With $395L I could buy a boatload of stuff in The Dressing Room Fusion, including mesh jeans.

With a crushed heart, I kept browsing. NOTHING in that store was less than 395L, although many things were 495L and even 595L.

I cammed up and saw more fashion upstairs, including a "discount fashions" vendor. BINGO! Surely I could find a masterpiece for my career-launching portfolio shot there.

Still on the butterfly theme, I honed in on the "Erotic Goliath Butherfly Body Paint":

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Let's see if Photobucket will let those painted nipples fly.
The hilarious truth is I would have been ORGASMIC over this getup as a noob. I LOVED stuff like this back then.

I got out my 25L, clicked "Pay" on the vendor and stopped in my tracks at the 295L price tag.

Um, I guess I'll pass.

(Hey, remember bellybutton bling? I had some that flashed!)

Plan C was the store's lucky chair. Scroll back up to the top and check out that flirty little red dress. It retails for 395L. But hey, if the store owner is "not interesting to increase my sells with your purchase" through this gig, she won't mind if I apply with a photo of me wearing her lucky chair gown, right?

My AV stood by that chair for two hours. IRL, I read a few chapters in "A Dance With Dragons (Book Five, Game of Thrones)" and goofed around on an app I'm obsessed with called Covet Fashion.

Meanwhile in the virtual world, the chair kept cycling through every letter in the alphabet except mine every five minutes. There were no wildcards. I got bored as hell. The funny thing is, ladies kept TPing in to check on that chair. They were all rocking "pretty flexy hair" and retro clothes. I wanted to ask them if they really WANTED that dress or if they too were dreaming of a modeling gig at Fifth Avenue Fashions / DreSS To ImpreSS / whatever-the-hell-the-place-is-called. But I was too shy.

Finally I gave up and left. Sadly, I doubt I'll keep working on this experiment. It hurts my eyes and makes me feel kind of sad. I'm inclined to chalk it up as a scam to get money out of new people, though. The whole "If you do not get contact between one month. please reapply again with same picture" smells bad to me. It makes me wonder about other ways people try to scam the innocent out of lindens here. When I was new, occasionally people would come up and beg me for 1L, but that was about it.

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"Kimberly Modern Flexy Hair" with "extra shine natural flex" and "resize menu."

Those were the days, huh? When I first joined the SL community, I had hair much like this style — although not as sophisticated — and it was MY FAVORITE. The funny thing is, I'm still too sentimental to delete that hair from my inventory:

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That is all.

P.S. So, if I don't have those new-fangled Slink feet, am I screwed? Does ANYBODY make shoes for normal feet anymore? :(

Sunday, July 13, 2014

Little girl lost

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Let's pause for a second while I stand in a field (skybox) and pensively gaze off into the distance, dreaming of what it would be like to have a rockin' graphics card and not one of the first MacBook Pros ever made.

OK, cool. Thanks for indulging me.

Fantasizing aside, wow, I didn't realize Hair Fair started this weekend. No wonder it's so lag-a-licious right now. I'll check it out in a few days. Hair Fair has a weird significance for me: That's where I was when I found out Michael Jackson was dead. I was trying on some hair when someone ran through the pixelated streets yelling, "MICHAEL JACKSON IS DEAD!" It was a little surreal.

But anyway.

An extraordinarily kind person put some lindens in my account with a note that said, "Have fun shopping!" so that's exactly what I did. In the process, I found a new-to-me store that I like. I'm not sure when creators Caresia Adored and SonnetSoleil Resident came on the scene (if I weren't so lazy, I'd ask them) but I wasn't aware of LaNoir Soleil Designs before my two-yearish hiatus.

I discovered LNS Designs at the One Word bi-monthly event (open through July 31), another thing that's new to me. SO MUCH FRESH NEW SMELL around here these days! The 'one word' for this round of the event is "Wonderland" and my eyes got all goggled-out when I saw this mesh Internal Wonderland AV (347L) with a BIPOLAR HUD.

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Yeah, I felt like we needed some sunshine and a handy arrow in this one.

GET OUT! That is BRILLIANT! I've spent my WHOLE LIFE feeling like I have a bipolar HUD attached to my brain. If only I could click it whenever I wanted! That manic side, for instance, comes in SOOOOO handy when you have a bathroom that needs to be cleaned and perhaps a closet or two that needs to be organized and even a whole damn neighborhood of houses that need to be painted ... and all in the middle of the night, too!

In the case of this avie, that "Eat Me!!" slice of cake will get you Alice. But click the "Drink Me!!" bottle and you get magically transformed into ...

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It's Malice, bitch.

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This one's more my style right now.

(Um, yeah, I would totally suggest checking out this girl in world on YOUR OWN computer and not through the strained and struggling eyes of my hoopty laptop. Or you can check her out on the LaNoir Soleil blog HERE.)

Really cool though – hair, dress, eyes, skin, socks, shoes, all of it changes instantly with a mere click. I want more mesh AVs that change with HUDs. Damn, that would make my SLife so much easier. I love buying clothes and hair in SL; I just hate the tedious chore of changing into them. Weird, huh? I haven't had that problem officially diagnosed, but it's most likely an attractive combination of compulsive shopping and hoarding.

I went over to the LNS Designs store to check out the rest of their stuff. Looks good! Lots of cool hair, dreamy clothes and a section full of generous freebies and 12L gifts from past hunts. I ended up standing hypnotized in front of the MAGNIFICENTLY LONG row of lucky chairs until I won all of them, granted most of them on wildcards.

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The 'E's never seem to pop up on lucky chairs. If I could do it all again, I'd give myself an SL name that started with 0-9.

I noticed LNS had another AV for sale at The Co-Op's Nexus Event (theme: space), so I tried out the demo and bought that one too.

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This Eve Seven AV was an awesomely affordable 427L, and I want to again thank my friend Deoridhe for the shopping spree that made the purchase possible. If you haven't checked out her blog Prim Dolls, you must do so now, and I'm not just saying that because she gave me money.

On one final kind of sad note, I always forget that I own a tiny mangled mess of a 512 plot on the mainland. I went over there the other day to check it out, mainly to see if I could ever bear setting up a house there should the day ever come when I can't pay the rent for my beloved parcel on Bluebonnet. (I'm freelancing IRL these days, so every month is filled with suspense when it comes to my ability to pay bills. Kind of like being trapped in a horror movie. That. Never. Ends.)

Anyway, I think the answer to that question is "NO." Back in the day, I named that parcel Emerald's Chicken Wonderland because chickens were the only breedable thing we had going on and I had a little egg stand there. It was kind of a marvelous place to visit because it was surrounded by fug in all its SL glory. Acres and acres of tiny parcels crammed with every kind of eyesore you could imagine, not to mention my own. I tried to terraform it and failed and now it looks like someone threw up a bunch of land in the shape of a square. At least there was a lot of enthusiastic, noobish hustle and bustle going on all around, though.

But now ...

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Holy crikey — everyone's GONE! I flew around and it just said "Abandoned Land," "Abandoned Land," "Abandoned Land" in every direction, as far as I could fly. It was a little heartbreaking. Granted, I knew we'd all have to grow up and leave Neverland eventually – I just never expected a mass exodus.

Speaking of everyone leaving, when I look over at the blog roll on this page, I see that a lot of my favorite bloggers over there haven't blogged in years either.

Damn. I hope everyone's doing OK.

Think I'm gonna go fix a drink now. :-\